Category Archives: Seeing with the Heart

Moments to Celebrate

It was a weekend of surprises. I thought I was the surpriser, but I also became the surprisee!

Back on Easter Sunday, I initiated the idea with my Sis and Big Bro. What if we surprised Lil Bro for his 50^th birthday? We could do it to include the graduation of our first great-niece from high school. The four of us siblings had not all been together since our mom’s funeral 4 years ago. I missed them.

Plans were a bit hard to make, since we had to make sure we reached Lil Bro’s wife when he wasn’t around, but I began to get excited. Then my Big Bro sent the let-down, indicating he couldn’t come. I was sorely disappointed, since it just wouldn’t be the same without all of us. I wondered if I should give up on the idea, too. But these were moments to celebrate. Moments we couldn’t recapture later. So, I continued with my plans, even though it was Mother’s Day! (I think my kids have forgiven me.)

I was a jittery mess as I got off the plane in Wichita. We still didn’t have much of a plan. Lil Bro knew my sister was coming for the graduation, but he didn’t know I was coming or that we would celebrate his birthday. We hadn’t figured out the how of our surprise. Ms. Organized had to take deep breaths and trust it would work out. As I came down the escalator in the airport, I saw my Sis at the bottom and hurried over to hug her. As I turned back, I saw him. My Big Bro. My heart did a dance. My legs began jumping up and down. My mouth made it known to all around! “You did come! You did come!” I hugged him tight and wanted to cry. I was ecstatic.

Big Bro gifted this extra surprise out of love for me and Sis. He’d surprised her, too, and took the chance she’d have room in the car for him. My heart was so happy. And it would be such a great gift to our Lil Bro.

Lil Bro reacted the opposite of me. He was stunned to see us all in his living room and his shock silenced him. The pastor without words! What a moment. But that quickly cleared and he, too, was ecstatic.

We celebrat grad for blog ed. We had God-moments no one could have planned. Wonderful gifts, like kisses from our good Father-God. It was better than I could have organized or imagined or thought of.

It reminds me that God is always working on our behalf in ways we cannot always see. We pray and don’t see the answer we want, then suddenly it comes in a totally unexpected way and we are thrilled because we realize He’s been planning this to be even better than we could have expected. I admit, Big Bro doing it this way, was even sweeter.

When everyone had left Monday but me, I took a walk. Alone. Down the road I’d lived on for the first 21 years of my life. The tears flowed. Not tears of sadness but of gratitude. This road held so many memories for me already. This weekend added many more.

My 2 brothers and one sister are 16 years apart in age and I’m right in the middle -8 years from each. We live in 4 different states & 4 different landscapes. Sometimes it feels like we don’t have a lot in common except our parents. We don’t agree on where it’s best to live, (I love the big city, the other 3 are rural dwellers), or what’s best to eat. ‘You haven’t eaten bacon in 30 years?’ ‘Why would anyone use that disgusting cilantro in anything?’ We don’t all agree on faith issues, but without words or really saying so, we’ve agreed to love well.

The road took me past the farmhouse my grandpa built and where I’d lived until I married. I picked up stones along that road where I’d lived the first 21 years of my life. One was broken and reminded me that brokenness is often a part of families, but there’s always healing and forgiveness if we choose it. We’ve had that in our family. I’ve been the broken one and I’ve been the forgiven one. One stone had a golden tint to it. I choose to think we’ve learned to find the gold that has value in each other and brush off the valueless dirt. One stone was simple and plain with a little crack. That fits us too!

We had many moments to savor as we created new memories together. The moments of surprise top the list, and a close second was watching Lil Bro split open his adult piñata with a shotgun (no blindfolds). If you’ve not had an adult pinata, it’s filled with fun goodies for “old” bodies! Not sharing details, but if you need some stinky, menthol chest rub, the grass still smells like it.

Families have seasons. Ours is no different. We blossom, we have storms, we grow in new ways, we grow apart, we give surprises. We make the effort to build new memories. Maybe we cherish them more because they are rare. But always we find ways to create memories and build on the heritage our parents gave us. This Mother’s Day, I think Mom (and Dad) would be honored to know that we chose to continue their legacy of surprises, jokes, playing games, recalling memories, making new ones, sharing hugs and prayers. And taking time to celebrate the moments together.

Which Ladybug is a Boy?

1 of the 1,500 Ladybugs that came by postal carrier for our garden! My 9 year old grandson’s question was, “Which ones are the boys?”

Which ladybug is a boy? Not a question I had thought about, so I didn’t have an answer. Makes sense, though. Like him, most of us identify with others who are ‘more like us’ and we prefer hanging out with those who have commonalities. Whole cultures are built around being with others who are ‘like-minded’. Not necessarily a bad thing. But if we are to be life-givers, we need to move ourselves into a place where there are people who need what we have to give.

For me, getting out of my comfort zone, my mostly introverted character and my non-conflict desiring personality has been quite a journey the past few years. Intentionally doing so, ‘grows’ me in adventures that are awkward and uncomfortable and wonderful all at the same time.

My question would be: Where do we get our real identity? Is it from a career or accomplishment? Am I who I was ‘labeled’ as a child? Do I have value from the family I was born into or married into? These are things that can change. Sometimes quickly. What truly defines me as an individual?

Sometimes it’s letting go of the past first and turning to a new route of freedom. Sometimes it’s seeing by faith what isn’t real yet. The goal of knowing who we are is to live in the destiny God has for us.

Most humans go through tough stuff if they live in the real world, and some are more sensitive in how life affects them. I’m very uncomfortable with going down a path of introspection and trying to figure out why I feel this or that and attributing my actions to a past thing that wasn’t dealt with emotionally. It usually leads me to ‘nowhere good’. When we choose a path that goes towards the God of Light and Truth, we will experience freedom and worth. Our past, good or bad, doesn’t need to define us.

I recently heard a speaker who came out of a life of sex trafficking and has an amazing story of overcoming and moving forward to help others. It was the most raw and ugly story I’ve ever heard, yet her life had become one of incredible redemptive value in less than 5 years. Point is, we’re definitely all different and if help is needed to overcome, get it, then move forward so you can become all that God has destined for you to be.

Letting go of our ‘stuff’ and embracing the identity that is God-given, gets us moving in a forward direction as an overcomer who is then useful for God’s kingdom. Useful to be able to see the needs of others and then open our hearts to be at least part of an answer for them.

For me, it was understanding that I was made ‘new’ in Christ, unique and wonderful (Psalm 139:14) and that in purposefully following Him, I am being transformed to His likeness and image. That’s who I really am. The daughter of an amazing King. A woman who can be courageous because her Abba (Daddy-God) is All-mighty and All-powerful. One who is creative because she has a World Creator-Designer as part of her spiritual DNA. A woman with kingdom authority because her Savior has the keys to the kingdom she is a part of. Whew!

As we begin to see ourselves as God sees us, we recognize that we are powerful and dependent at the same time, because of our God-birthed identity.

When we know Who we are and Whose we are, we can live with intention and purpose to bring transformation to our sphere of influence. We can change our world!

Living with Passion

22 years ago I bega 20160330_125305 n writing a family newsletter for my dad’s side of the family. I have 32 first cousins, 80 second cousins and those 80 have bunches of more little cousins! Lots of family, living lots of places. This hobby of mine has kept us all a little closer as we’ve shared stories, trivia, weddings, babies and lots of travels. I love the trips down memory lane!

Who knew that when I had to find a project for my very first computer class in 1994, that it would have this kind of result?

Small things. Unknown outcome. Not seeing very far ahead. Sometimes just an inkling in our thinking. Being faithful to what you started. Being committed. All are so much easier when it’s something you passionately love doing.

Another passion has begun. Again in a small way. Meeting one on one with women in crisis. Listening to the cry of their hearts and praying for heaven to open up over them. Finding the treasure that’s within them to bring them hope. One this week, addicted to heroin, been through rehab and detox, needing 2 kinds of anxiety meds – this one, had tears rolling down her face as I assured her she was courageous and God saw her kind heart. This one, looking more hopeful after praying for her addiction to be broken by a powerful and amazing God.

Is our world getting worse? ‘Goin’ down the tubes’? I think it depends on where you look and how you see things. We can go back to Biblical times and see horrific lifestyles comparable to now. The depravity of society is always one side of earthly life. Perhaps we just hear more about the yuk, because we have more media. The 6 o’clock news won’t give you the stories of people in my family who foster babies, who start a program for inmates or who care for the elderly with kindness. But these people are making a huge difference and our world is a better place because of those not so small deeds and not so small commitments.

God’s love to us is passionate, sacrificial and life-giving. That Love changes us to be like Him.

Passion sees from the heart of a good, good Father and becomes a conduit of His heart to our world.

What Do You See?

Gary and I took a day trip to Sedona on Friday. If you’re not familiar with Arizona, this is an area with a whole different landscape than the desert city where I live. It’s famous for its amazing scenery. There’s beautiful ponderosa pines, instead of the magnificent saguaro cactus and ginormous red rocks, similar in color variations to the Grand Canyon, but different in that the rock formations go above ground, (way above) instead of underground. We didn’t have a specific plan other than to get out of the big city, relax a bit, breathe some cleaner air and change the view.

As we admired the different buttes and mesas, Gary picked out a ‘squirrel’ looking rock (big squirrel!) …kind of like when you see creatures in cloud scenes. Later, from a different vantage point, this rock no longer looked like a squirrel. Many of these larger rocks have names from their visual perceptions, such as Bell Rock and Cathedral Rock. We liked finding and envisioning with our own creativity.

Perception is an amazing thing. So much of our lives are based on how we see things and since we are individually created, we see from a unique viewpoint. That can be a good thing. What’s been really important at times in my life, is how others see me. I’ve often cared way too much about how others see me and what they think of me.

What’s absolutely changed my life is to recognize how God sees me. Me. Wow. I’ve come to see this as my true identity. He sees me as His Beloved. That is amazing. Sometimes what He sees surprises me. He sees me as a risk-taker. He sees me as one who enjoys beauty and appreciates beautiful things. How do I know? Well, I was gutsy enough to ask. And to expect an answer. Those are some of the things I heard. Recently. No, I’m not nuts to hear from God, I’m listening and open and believe He cares enough about me to reveal His heart to little ole’ me.

Be adventurous and ask Him how He sees you. Since we are created in His image, what He sees will probably be something that looks like He does; character traits of God that He’s designed. Maybe we’re not seeing it in ourselves, but He knows and challenges us to live up to it. We have such value to our Abba (Daddy) God.

As we were having lunch on the patio today, I heard a noise that sounded like it came from our orange tree. Suddenly a man’s head poked over our wall fence. He looked at me about the time I saw him, both of us a bit surprised, then he asked if he could pick some of our oranges. Well, that was kind of random! I assured him he could if he could reach them, (since we’d already picked most of the reachable ones). He thanked me and helped himself.

Sometimes we have only moments to form a perception of others, sometimes we have it nagging at us constantly on the news channel and we still probably don’t know their true identity. God’s view of me doesn’t change with where I am in life or the season I’m in, however, His desire is that I persist in growing in His likeness. Unique, but looking similar in character to my Father.

Conquering the ‘machine’

I chose my own Christmas gift this year. One that surprises even me! It started last Christmas. Gary waited until all the rest of the family’s presents were given and then had our son help him bring a huge box in from the garage that was my present. It was a keyboard! Really? Did I want this? O.K., so I mentioned it once and since my husband listens so well, hmmm….Yikes! What in the world was I going to do with it? It had tons of buttons and gadgets along with the keys. To me, it seemed like a machine that would need to be conquered and it overwhelmed me. I like people; I don’t like machines. (Why should I since my husband can fix most any “machine”, is a computer genius and loves all those mechanical things that elude my brain’s ability?) It stayed covered up in our guest bedroom until August.

But I love music and in my younger days I played guitar and even took lessons for an accordion. I had wanted to play piano once upon a time, but that was ages ago. I never learned to read music. Then things began to change for me this year. My job came to a halt in April and I began pursue a different direction. It wasn’t until August that I started piano lessons. Three weeks into it, I began to realize I could do this. I had tears in my eyes as I drove home from lessons that day, confidence beginning to build in my heart that this was something I actually could do. Much of that is attributed to an absolutely amazing teacher who designed a program to teach adults. She had begun to empower me with what was possible with my love for music and the ‘great ear’ I was created with. My perspective and thinking began to change. In 4 months’ time, I can read the melody line and play with both hands in 4 different signature keys and you could possibly sing along……if you sing Amish slow! But hey, slow is good with worship music, right?

Sometimes life brings unexpected challenges or circumstances that threaten to overwhelm us. Our perspective makes all the difference. We always have a choice, even if it’s just in our attitude. I weep for the kids I know who have few choices in their lives because of circumstances beyond their control or their parents’ choices. Even then, they can still choose their heart attitude.

One of my favorite authors, Bill Johnson, puts it this way, “It’s important that we align our heart with who God says we are and not waste time in fear.” My heart wants to see the perspective of heaven and bring that to earth, to my world, in the midst of my own new challenge. This one’s not about machines, and it threatens to shake up my world. When fear of what I might lose begins to torment me, I have to actively choose to turn my heart towards God and focus on Him and His promises, not on the circumstances. Worry and anxiety are enemies of living in the realm of the supernatural that God intended for me. When I actively choose the kind of thinking that anything is possible at any time and I surrender my thought patterns to believe in what my amazing God has spoken, my heart can trust His goodness no matter what I feel.

So back to my choice of gift this year. This one’s not under the tree or hidden in the garage. It’s another semester of piano lessons. Thanks to a hubby who believed in me and knew I could conquer a ‘machine’! What a great gift!

Raining Possum

Hearing a noise late one evening, outside of our house in the country, I opened the back door to check it out. Darkness. My eyes adjusted quickly and then I saw a figure. It was a slow-motion moment of time where I took in the scene of my teenage son with his B.B. gun pointing upward in the tree right outside that door I’d just opened and the next moment watching the falling of a possum out of that tree, missing my head by mere inches.

I barely knew what didn’t hit me. I jumped. (And probably made some noise!) My son was as startled as I was. The possum lay dead, still very close to my feet. It was one of those split-second moments you don’t forget.

Then I flipped the light switch. And began to breathe again.

He and I recently reminisced about it. It’s funny now. Not so much then.

Sometimes opening a door and not knowing what’s beyond, is an adventure! I certainly never anticipated nearly being hit by a possum shot out of a tree and falling like rain! Would I have opened that door if I had known what lay beyond, and could have hit my head?

When I step into a new season of life, it’s like opening that door. I don’t have fear. I don’t have laughter. Yet. It’s the unknown. If I allow the unknown to have emotion attached to it before I even know what it is, it’s defeating to my destiny.

One thing I know about going into a dark place is that if you bring light to it, darkness leaves. The two cannot co-exist. It’s not that darkness is inferior, it’s nothing when there’s light.

Would I love to see all that’s ahead? Hmm. I don’t think so, that’s the part of the journey called faith. Do I fear the unknown? Honestly, I don’t. Maybe that seems naïve. But I choose to see it as trust. I’m so comfortable with The One who is always with me, that I can let go of my discomfort in the unknown. It’s like flipping that switch. The light that comes with the presence of the Holy Spirit also brings revelation and supernatural resource for every moment. Because I bring His light with me, there’s really one main challenge. Stay close to the light.

HeartEyes

seeing with the eyes of my heart